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12 December, 2009
so just tape my mouth/ shut me up tight/ save me from killing myself inside/ if i can give you my word/ i'll give you this/ i'm out of control/ out of control, just listen to this/ so just tape my mouth/ shut me up tight/ all these words spoken will kill me by the end of the night/ i feel extra obnoxious/ theres so much extra of me/ i just gotta speak my words/ set 'em free/ so just tape my mouth/ shut me up tight/ save me from one more mistake tonight/ so just tape my mouth/ shut me up tight/ save me from killing myself inside/ if i can give you my word/ i'll give you this/ i'm out of control/ out of control, just listen to this/ so just tape my mouth/ shut me up tight/ all these words spoken will kill me by the end of the night/ i feel extra obnoxious/ there so much extra of me/ i cant keep this inside or it'll destroy me if i could say it better in song i would/ matching feelings with the strum of guitar/ if i could heal you with my song i would/ you're more creative than me by far/ if i could strum it out, play it to a crowd/ oh baby if i could i would
Subject:
Thank-a-thon
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10 November, 2009
I can never seem to update this on a daily basis, can I? It's been two years since my last entry, and I'm no longer a Junior in Highschool (If I still was after that time span, I think I'd cry.)
After a year and a half of confusion and desperation to truly find myself, I decided to hold on the dreams of acting and singing and save them for later. I've found myself sitting in massage therapy classes, learning about epicondyles and superficial fascia- and deep kneading of the back. I LOOOOOOVE deep kneading of the back! =]
So before I even started this entry, I looked back on the last year and a half of my life and reviewed it in my head. Truthfully, I completely forgot I even had this blog until I saw the "Thank-a-thon" contest on modcloth.com, and at first I was tempted by the thought of a $100 gift card and was thinking about doing the contest. Then after I thought about it, and thought about what I was truly thankful for; it turned into something different.
Sure, the $100 would be great. But really, should I have waited until someone offered me a sweat deal to actually stop the hustle and bustle and think about what I'm thankful for?
Every thanksgiving I look foreword to two things; green bean casserole and funny stories of madre and I trying to cook. But it should be about more than that. THANKSgiving: giving thanks to everything we've been blessed with in our life.
I, for one, am thankful for Chocolate Mousse and chiweenies. (Chihuahua/Doxin mix puppies.)  (<- my sisters Chiweenie, Emma Bella.)  JUST KIDDING! (Well, actually, no I'm not. Chocolate Mousse is heaven scent, and Emma is the coolest dog ever, but that's not what I'm writing about.)
I haven't been very nice to God lately. I'll be honest; His voice has been drowned out the chants of all the muscles of the body running through my head. But even when I'm ignoring Him; He still finds me when I need him most. Like when I'm breaking down in my car wondering why I even thought I could do this anatomy stuff in the first place. He plays my favorite song to cheer me up. He gives me green lights when I'm running late to work. He lets me out of work early so I can go home and write up a research paper. And He gives me amazing people in my life.
Yes, I'm thankful for God; that's a given. He knows that, so now I'm going to thank him for the two best sisters anyone could ever ask for.
You should know, I only have one biological sister. And I can't thank her enough for everything she's done for me.  ( My sister and my mommy- we call her madre)  (My graduation day with Amanda =])  (My beautiful sister and a bird in Hawaii!)
When my mother was coping with childhood issues that surfaced in her, she was put in the hospital so she could just deal with it all. She was misdiagnosed with so many things; the doctors didn't know what was wrong. She had a lot of trauma in her childhood- I still don't even know all the details to this very day. She always seemed so normal to me. But because of what had happened to her, because she couldn't handle it herself; her brain created another two personalities that COULD deal with those issues. So while she was in therapy and hospitals for years, my father was working late to pay the bills, then rushing us to the hospital to see my mother. I didn't understand what was going on then, all I knew was she was really sick. My sister understood though, and she understood what my Dad was going through.
So when he worked late, she would take care of me. Just a middle schooler; she was thrust into the "mom" role for a few years. She fed me, helped me with homework, took care of me when I was sick (and pretending to be sick), she counseled me when I didn't understand why the other kids made fun of me and wiped away my tears and running nose when it was too much for my elementary mind to handle.
My mother is perfectly fine now. She's dealt with her issues and has been my best friend my whole life. But even though I have still have madre, Amanda never stopped taking care of me. She loans me money when I can't take my cat to the vet after he gets a bad infection. She drives to my work to buy something from me so I get more commission, and she's been counseling and helping me through my abusive relationship with my boyfriend. "I know what it's like to be emotionally abused." She told me, as she went through the same thing when she was in highschool. "It's hard, and it sucks. You feel like you can't get out, but I promise you, you can. I'll be here with you every step of the way, and if you need a place to just get away from it all after you get away from him, you will always have a place at my house." I saved the voicemail she left me while I was at work.
I've been such a brat to her over the years; picking on her, reading her diary, taping over her shows, eating her food, and wearing her clothes to school, but she still loves me and puts up with me. I'm still in that abusive relationship.... but I know I can get out of it now. She's empowered me so much and showed me that I can survive on my own without his help. She's showed me that all the crap he makes me feel; is just that- crap. She's showed me I'm worth more. I can stand on my own, I'm not useless, and I don't have to waste my life trying to make him happy. She's the one who opened my eyes to what my relationship was like when no one else other than Via wanted to tell me.
She's my flesh and blood and I'm so thankful for that.
Speaking of Via; she's my sister as well, but we're not related. I have known Via Smith ever since 8th grade, and if I could put a voice to what an angelic choir sounds like; it would be her voice. Ha ha ha.... wow.... now that I think about it, everyone near me has put up with my crap and grinned and took it.  (Via being silly ha ha)  (Via and I at the pool with my nerd glasses from Forever 21 ha ha ha)
When I met Via, I had no faith. I was cutting myself to make the pain of everyday life calm down and I was in emotional turmoil. I wanted to be popular, to be liked by everyone, and in the midst of trying to be someone else, I lost myself. I met her in the school musical, and she immediately changed my life. The first time we hung out, she came to my house and we ended up making our own "radio show" on my karaoke machine. It was called OLSDDM radio- our initials. In the very first episode, she sang a song she wrote, we played songs from Moulin Rouge, and the world blew up. We've been inseparable ever since. With help from God, she showed me there was more to life than pain. She counseled me and took my razors from me when I couldn't take it anymore. She's helping me deal with my relationship as well, giving me encouragement and reinforcing the idea that I'm actually worth something and I'm here on this earth for a reason. She held me tight when I found out my mom had cancer (Wow, her life has been crap. Don't worry though; she got surgery and is cancer free now! We caught it in time.), she drove to my house at 2 in the morning when I needed someone to show they cared. She's been a constant in my life. We both have other best friends, but as we grow distant from them as we go to college, Via and I have actually gotten even closer (If that's possible).
I can always trust her to tell me what's up. If I'm being a brat, she'll tell me. When Joseph started being controlling and emotionally abusive, she told me. Even if she's at work, if I call her crying she finds a way to talk to me (even if she's hiding in the clothing rack she's sorting for the store.) We have so many traditions we need a separate calendar to fit them all on (For your birthday, you get a can of silly string, knee high socks, a purse, and something totally random! One year she got me Thumbelina on DVD because she knew it was my favorite kids movie when I was young- I've only mentioned that to her once.) And I have a box filled with every single note, movie ticket, concert ticket, receipt- everything that holds a memory of a day we've spent together. Right down to the streamers she decorated my locker with for my birthday.
I've tried countless times to tell her how much she means to me; but I never feel like I can truely truely tell her how much. I call and leave her songs I write about our friendship, I'm driving to another state with her to see The Cranberries at the end of the month (Her biggest musical influence next to David Bowie, Muse, and european poetry), I drove to her house at 1 in the morning and wrote all over her car windows to make her smile when she woke up. I bought her shirts I saw at Goodwill I knew she'd love. I hooked her up with her high school crush when he got a job at my work. I don't feel like it's enough, though.
So here's my thanks to Via; Via. DAH-LING. Baby. Sweetie Pie. Oh, how I love ya! Thanks for the countless tears of joy, the hundreds of photographs, the silly texts, and the countless hours of random conversations! I will never forget all of our silly adventures; like exploring the corn field and finding giant craters in the ground (But we were too chicken to look inside incase a rabid raccoon was hiding in there!), or sneaking into an apartment complex to go swimming for free, or getting hopelessly lost for 3 hours on Grief Parkway on our way to see Panic! At the disco! Or the three episodes of OLSDDM radio where we narrated a Teddy Bear Graham Cracker soap opera! ("Shondra, NOOOOOOO!!!! Why did you get PLASTIC SURGERY!?! Wwwhhhyyyy!" *Jumps off cliff*") Seriously, though. Thank you for being my unofficial sister. Thank you for wiping away my tears, and creating smiles when I had nothing left. Thank you for understanding me, and never giving up on me when everyone else had. Thank you for the encouragement, the hugs, and the strength. We always said we'd be best friends forever, and I truly believe that. We'll be the crazy old ladies throwing cats at the neighbors who step on our lawns ;) Our kids will be playing together and wreaking havoc on the town! We've been best friends for almost 6 years now, and we've never had a single fight. I think that says something. We've been so honest with each other, and we know when to give each other space. You're my unofficial sister, and I will always love you!
And to my blood sister, Amanda. Thanks for giving me the power and encouragement I need. You've never let me down, and you've never let me give up even when I wanted to. You've been so much more than just a sister to me; you've been a mentor, tutor, trainer, best friend, and even my enemy when I needed it. You taught me how to respect our parents and drilled me when it came to doing my chores. You've listened to my problems, no matter how small, and you've cuddled me when I was too scared to sleep. You always took my feelings seriously, and I could always tell you were never really mad when I wore your clothes to school. Could you tell it was because I wanted to be like you? I've always looked up to your confidence and drive to succeed. Your brains and your looks, and your style. I wanted to be just like you; but you taught me to be an individual, even when I wanted so bad to fit in. Thanks for taking away those CDs I bought of mainstream rap. I never liked them anyways. Thanks for setting me straight when I was overreacting over what someone said. Thanks for trying to teach me how to cook; even though we both knew it was hopeless :) Thanks for not making fun of me when I cut my bangs myself. And thanks for then fixing them when I realized I looked like a little dutch boy. Thanks for teaching me how to love myself.
Thanks for never letting me down.
Forever your loving sister, Devann
I'm sorry my entry was so long. It might be the longest entry- SORRY! I actually was going to write a poem, or lyrics to thank them. And it was originally only going to be about Via. This contest inspired me to show my appreciation more towards those I love and care about; which I hope was the point of it. If not; that's what I'm taking out of it anyways.
Thanks for taking the time to read about my life, even if I don't win, I appreciate that fact.
I think I'm going to call my sister now and tell her I love her :) And then jump on my parents bed until they wake up so I can tell them how much I love them and how thankful I am for my mother being alive. That's a little TOO personal to write about in public here.... so I'll tell her in person =]
Devann
Subject:
Hello Complications
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30 December, 2007
Yesturday! So, I went to work with my mom to cover a news story that happened the day after Christmas that no one had covered yet (Even though it was old news by then, I still wanted to do a cover of it for Backstage Pass Ohio) . The story was this; A garbadge truck was lowering a giant garbadge can (Those huge corporate metal ones) back down when it broke a gas meter. There was a HUGE gas leak and my mom, the manager at the dialysis center where this happened, had to run to all the surronding stores, which is around 15, including a Wal*MArt, Kroger, Radio SHack type of place, hair salon, game store, etc etc etc etc etc etc, and evacuate everyone. This was about 300 - 400 people standing in the parking lot. The police and gas company were called. At that same time, there was a car accident down the road, which compeltely wiped out the power. If the power hadn't been taken out by that accident- there would have been an explosion, which would have killed everyone (Including my mommy!! ahhh! I deffinatly clung to her after I heard that!) But my mom saved the lives of hundreds of people the day after Christmas! =] I'm so proud of her! . Well, I got interviews, footage of the gas meter and stores and EVERYTHING. I spent 7 hours at work with my mom doing this. On the way home, she turns the volume of the music down, turns to me and says, "I don't think you can use that story." When I asked why, she said it was because it had the name of ehr company in it- along with all the footage I shot, and I didn't have a media warrent to cover it. . So I'm left without a story. . It was alright being there, though. I mean I read my lines for the school play for about 5 hours and now I've got almsot all of Act 2 memorized now. I texted Via though asked if she wanted to go blow off our gift cards today since I didn't want to stay in the Dialysis center all day and it wouldn't take me that long to get the story. But her and Morgain were going to go see Sweeny Todd that day, so she couldn't. . I even ran over to Wal*Mart to see if they had a video editing program for 15 dollars since I couldn't figure out how to get the videoI shot onto my editing program. They didn't though- so I spent about an hour flipping through magazines. And the rest of my day was spent Day Dreaming. . I got home, figured out how to work my video program (I just had to switch the format on the camera- which made me slap my head as I am an idiot for not knowing that.), took a shower and jumped in my pj's early since I didn't think I'd be going anywhere. . Later on, at exactly 7:02 pm (I looked at the clock ha ha.) that day I realize that my phone was still on silent from working, and when i checked it I have a voice mail from Via. She felt bad that she couldn't hang out with me earliar that day (And she analyzed my voice mail, saying I sounded like I was frustrated with a remedial task such as opening a Ragu bottle. Ha ha.) and that she was going Bowling with Morgain, since they remembered Morgain was only 16 and not old enough to get into Sweeny Todd, and wanted to know if I wanted to come? I had to call her back before 7- so I called her anyways and caught them just in time. I really quick got dressed and they picked me up. While we were driving to the Bowling alley we were calling a bunch of friends to see if they wanted to come with us. . In the end only Dan and Sean could come on such short notice. Gabe said he MIGHT stop by since he was with his friend Jordan. Well, Dan is just a friend, and Sean is my friend, too- but we had a fling over the summer. I wrote about that. . The entire time we were there, Dan and Sean were flirting with me. Dan was showing off his bowling skills (He's a BEAST at that game!!)and kept touching me- like ruffling my hair, kicking me lightly, or pushing my arm slightly, and Sean was being his goofy cute self. The whole game Sean and I were trying to psyche the other out by distracting them while they bowled. It was funny. And for some reason the guys thought my head was lucky- so they had to rub my head and mess up my hair before they bowled each time. . Now I'm worried Dan might think I like him- I always sit at his table at lunch to get away from mine when they start sharing sex stories and I share a seat with him because if I sit with my friend Berez- he pokes my side which aggrivates me as he shouldn't be poking and tickling his best friend when he has a girlfriend. I think it frustrats me also because he did that when he liked me during West Side Story. . After we finished bowling and recording ourselves randomly on my video camera, we all decided to head to the Mean Bean. The girls jumped in Morgains car and Dan and Sean were in his car (Which was actually his mom's minivan- I forgot to ask him why he was driving her car and not his.) We raced to the Mean Bea, taking different routes. And we ended up coming to the finale red light infront of the guys so we made faces at them and danced in the car. But when it came time to find a parking spot- the guys beat us and ran into the shop before we could get there. Morgain walked since she is still recovering from a knee sprain a long time ago- and checked the parking meter if it had to have quiarters, but since it was after 5 (It was about 9 o'clock) it didn't. I ran back and caught up with her- which caused Dan to call me asked where we were and what was taking so long. . When we walked in, Sean was talking to a girl and I got a ping of jealousy- and he hugged her but he came over and explained while we were all in line, waiting to order, that it was his sister. . Gabe ended up coming to the Mean bean while we were playing 20 questions and hung out with us for a while- which sent Via into a spiriling boy drama downfall as it reawoke her feelings for him. . Nate Garrette randomly showed up, too, and Ben Claymier made a cameo appearence. . I haven't been to the Mean Bean with Sean since our date back during the summer- and we even sat on the same couch. I got such a rush of de ja vou it wasn't even funny. Especially when he held my hand. . We had called Joey earliar to come with us but he was working and his mom had his phone (Which caused Via to swear she would never talk to his mom again, as she intimidated her.) and Sean answered my phone, pretending to be me (AND JOEY BOUGHT IT!) and was goofing off by asking him if he liked Via "I've noticed the way you look at her..." were his words (Which ended in a hilarious confessional of Joey saying he thought she was pretty but didn't want her to know with the risk of things getting awkward) . Well I was freaking out that Joey was buying it, and I forget why but Sean's hand was in the air so I placed my hand on his- compairing how much longer his fingers were than mine, when he shifted his fingers so they were laced with mine. I don't remember if I tried to pull them out and compair finger length again- but I think I did, and he did the same thing. . But the weird part? When I was at my mom's work, I was reading over my lines for the school play and running through who was in the play and who would I run into while I was in the shopping center- and I day dreamed that I ran into Sean and we ended up running lines together. . At the Mean Bean, he dissapeared for a few minutes, and came back with his script- where he then pulled up a chair close to me and we ran lines. Then livy moved away from her spot next to me and he took her seat, sitting so close we were touching. . And that night just brought back all those feelings I had for him. . But now I'm in a pickle because spending just 3 hours with him, I know I like him more than Alec. Alec took me to Winter Formal last year, asked me to Homecoming this year (Which I turned down- I don't go to Homecoming) and we've been flirting in Acting class. Hugging before class everyday- and during class, and basically acting like a couple so much a girl in my class asked how long we were going out. . I know Alec likes me, and I thought I liked him. But it was always that my feelings would go away whenever I wasn't around him- then come back when I was near him. We've been acting like this for almost a year now and he still hasn't asked me out yet. . I was getting fed up, and I was going to give him until February to ask me out (But I still wasn't sure if I WANTED to go out with him, since at the time I decided this he wasn't with me.) But I just decided I was going to wait for him to ask me out anyways. (I'm stubburn and don't like asking guys out. I know know- I may miss out on something great if I don't ask them, but I'm just too stubburn) . I was going to wait a little longer for him to ask me out- but I realized I could never like him as much as I like Sean. . But I can't just shut him out because I hung out with Sean for one day- it wasn't even a group date or anything. . But it's rude to keep acting like I like Alec when I don't. . I'm just worried that if Sean ends up liking me again, and something happens, it'll hurt Alec. And now that all three of us are in the play- what's going to happen then? . I think Alec sees the play as an oppurtunity to get close to me- as when acting is over so are his daily hugs. (Which he says are the best part of the day.) . I mean, during the audition for the school play, my friend Kendall was there (He's gay, so we'll give each other hugs and such when we see each other. It doesn't matter to us since we're friends and both insterested in men.) And I washugging Kendall's arm when Alec says in that tone of voice he has, "Devannnn, you know how I feel about that..." and looks at our arms, so I told him to shut his mouth since Kendall's gay- then giggled to Kendall that Alec was jealous. Kendall- not missing a beat, says, "Sorry Alec you're not my type." Which was hilarious. I also pointed out to Alec that Kimmi in acting class, who clings to everyone, likes to cling to him the most and he says he he tries to push her off. (This reminded me of once, when I ran to grab my coat, I walked back in class and Alec was trying to back out of Kimmi's death grip and the first thing he says is, "Devann! It's not what you think! Which was hilarious.) . So, I think what I'm going to do is step back, only give Alechis manditory hug before class and that's it. (He would get upset and really hurt if I just stopped hugging him. And what could I tell him then? "Sorry dude, I realize that I only like you for the affection you give me and I'm head over heels for Sean again." No way! He's way to sensitive for that.) I won't stop being his friend- just stop showing affection. As for Sean I'm just going to be his friend, too. If he likes me (Which I doubt) then we can start from the beginning, slowly- and I won't go crazy this time, because I won't try to push him away again. . Sigh, does that make any sence? I'm sorry that was so long! I also want to put that in my journal but i didn't want to retype the story twice.
Subject:
Because I can
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19 December, 2007
Subject:
MOOD: Self-conscious
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19 September, 2007
I think this is turning into a "I'm emotional and need to write this out" blog. . So, I don't know if I can blame female hormones on this anymore. I was just looking at pictures of my sister's wedding reception now, and I felt like crying. I still have the tingling feeling in my mask area- and the more I think about it, the more I want to start bawling. . I'm not crying over the fact that she's married. No, I'm happier than ever for her- and we've gotten SO much closer now that she lives in Dublin. . I feel realyl selfish for saying this; since I should be talking about her wedding photos and how beautiful she looked in them. But every photo saw that had me in it.... have I really gained that much weight?? I KNOW! I know! That's such a prissy girl thing to say.... but I have low self-esteem ALREADY, and seeing my huge calves, and my arm fat billowing out from the edges of my dress (Which I had gotten because it was a "insta-slim" dress for me- giving me the right shape and making me appear defined), I felt like I had ruined the entire photo. . There was my sister, looking beautiful as always with her perfect face that models would kill for; and there's her goofy looking sister sitting right next to her. Me. With my puggy cheeks, bad posture, crooked smile, and hopeless hair. . If I was in Health class right now; my teacher would tell me to write down everything I love about myself, and everything I hate about myself. Then she's ask me to cross of things that I CAN'T change, and focus on improving the things I CAN change. One of the things that would stay unmarked would be my weight. . I always lie when someone asks how much I weigh. Truthfully; I don't know. I think it's a lot for my height though. I used to be 97 pounds on a good day back in 8th grade. I haven't grown an INCH since then, so ideally I should still be the same weight. . In 8th grade; I never worked out, and I piged out on junk food constantly. . Now, I work out at least 3 times a week and try to ride my bike for at LEAST an hour and a half. I cut back on bad foods and try to choose only good things for me. Why is it that instead of gaining MUSCLE fat- I just gained FAT? . Why is it; that I can't fit into my old clothes, and I suddenly have a muffin top with a basement sized trunk?? . It's stressing me out.... is that why I'm gaining weight?? Because I'm stressed about being a cow?? . I gotta go; I'm crying and I want to use this emotion for my dramatic monologue for Acting Class.
Subject:
First day of Junior Year!
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22 August, 2007
Yesturday I was a summer girl; today I am a Junoir Year Girl! . Alright, I get it, bad pun attempt from Hannah Montana, shut up! . Last night I couldn't sleep at all; I was so anxious towards today that I kept tossing and turning all night. I hit "Play" on my CD plyaer twice, listening to the Jonas Brothers sing to me two times through and still there was no sleep! I should have readjusted my sleep schedule this weekend, but I kept staying up late! (That IS my fault though, I borrowed an old Nanyc Drew game from Olivia since I never had any when I was kid and got addicted; HEY it says, "10 and up" on the box! I qualify in the up!) . Sooner than I realized, there was sun peaking it's ugly head through the corners that my pull-down shade doesn't cover (One of those corners being right where my head lays, sending the glare of the morning sun onto my face) and it was 9:50. . Since today was the frst day of school, the Freshman had to come in, in the morning so they can get to their classes without upperclassman looming around then and clogging up the halls. I, being an upper classman, therefore get to sleep in on the first day, and start MY classes at 12:30. . So I had my alarm set until 10, and when it went off, I was already awake. . I jumped up, grabbed my CD and ran downstairs to put it in the entertainment center, where the entire Jonas Brothers CD filled the house while I got ready for school. I had it turned up loud soI could hear it upstairs in my bathroom AND downstairs in the basement. . But soon I ran out of thigns to occupy my time with while I was waiting for the time to drive off to school. (Okay, so madre drove me, get my liscene in November) So I grabbed "Fashionista Laura" by Sarra Manning and read it; occationally jumping out of my seat to dance around like an idiot before plopping back in my leather recliner. . I wanted to leave at 12, but didn't want to get there early so i decided to watch madre fold clothes as I waited until 12:10. (We ended up leaving at 12:15). While we were there I had a discussion with her on wheater or not someone can get addicted to blood (I told her there really WERE vampires; they were people who think their a vampire so much they file their teeth down and get addicted to blod and go to vampires clubs at night where they have sex and bite each others wrists) which I lost; since madre is a Dialysis nurse and knows blood. . Then I told her about lycanthrope, where people think their werewolves and get ill-tempers and grow thicker hair and have a taste for raw meat. "No, that's called being crazy." She says. "And they don't grow hair." . "Yes they do!" I say. "It grows thicker, and they get mad; it's called lycanthrope. It's a mental disease." . "Which is called beign crazy." She says again. "And NO they don't grow hair!" . "Yes they do; the human mind is SO powerfull- like a girl who wants to be pregnant SO bad can develop the signs and such." I say. . "Yeah and that's called-" I forget what she said. . "Is that a miscarrage?" I asked, and then she tells me about how hard is it to get pregnant because the body can sometimes reject sperm and such. I kept waiting for Corey to walk up to teh door to see if he was driving me to school and over hear my mom telling me how exactly the body kills a baby. . Then we got into a chat about how if they ever cloned a human, they can't see each others because then technically number 1 doesn't exsist and would kill the other or something. We kept talking about this until we got into the car; where I blasted the Jonas Brothers once more. . We ended up arriving to school five minutes before the bell rang (Which appearntly isn't enough time for me to get upstairs and to my first period, as I was a minute or two late- but sicne it's the first day no one cared.) . My classes are going to be great! . I decided I'm going to be a prankster this year, and have some good (I think their good) ideas to brighten up the mornings with an AP class first thing! (Which is needed, as Mr. Auvdel likes to assign his AP classes surprise random inclass essays frequently.) . My Physic's class may be a bit dull though; I only know two people in it and my class is very quiet. I'll have to remember to rush to that class to get my blood pumping to wake me up! . SYMPHNIC was next!! I still can't believe I made it into that class! . At our school, your freshman year, you HAVE to be in Concert choir- then after concert choir you can audition to be in Woman's Chorale or Symphonic Choir. Symphonic is mixed with guys and girls. Once you make Symphonic you can audition to be in Hayes Singers as well. Last year, I didn't make it into Symphonic but got into Woman's Chorale, and this year I'm taking both. . This is exciting, as I've gone two years in a choir class with no guys. I couldn't stop smiling every time the guys sing; men's voices make me melt! especially when they harmonize; which makes me weak in the knees! And my favorite warm-up we do is a harmonizing thing. Ooooh! Thinking about that rich dark tone makes me weak! . Lunch is going to be good; I know a lot of people in my period and Kayla is in it! We're deciding where to sit; so far I've gotten two offers to tables so I'll tell Kayla and maybe we can alternate between tables! . Algebra 2 was PACKED! There are no seats left; it's my largest class; excluding choir. All my other classes are small, which I like because it's more personal. And Jen is in my class! . We played a game in there to get to know everyone; 2 truths and a lie. Which you tell two truths about yourself and a lie and the class has to guess what the lie is. I said that I like riding mountain bike trails, my favorite color is rollar coaster blue, and my sister lives in California. The sister one was the lie. . Next I had Chorale! This is fun; Livy's in there! =] . After Chorale is Psychology; which I can tell I'm going to love. I joked around with the teacher the first half of th shortened class an had everyone laughing! It was great; I love making people laugh! . Mr. Reitz was taking attendance and was calling everyone "Ms...." and their last name or "Mr..." and his last name. I was worried he might say me as a Mr since my name is for girls and guys bit he didn't; instead he said McCarTY and I corrected him saying McCarTHY. . "Oh! I'm sorry!" He blushed and squinted at the paper. "I'm old; here I see it says McCarthy!" . "It's okay, they spelled my name wrong on my temps, too!" I shrug. . "They did?" he inquires, his glasses drooping a bit. . "Yes, so if I get pulled over I am a McCarty. Their trying to relate me to some random people, i guess." I smile. . "You know what I always say?" We inquire what. "I always say, you can spell my name anyway you like, pronounce it anyway, but spell it right on a check!" he says. . "Oh yes!" I say. . "Have you ever had a check written to you? For like a present or anything?" He asks. I shake my head no, but say yes in a sly manner. "Is that a yes or a no?" He laughs. . "Uhhh, A yes as in a ten dollar check." I laugh. . "Well you know how you cash it, you endorce it;" and he rambles on a bit. . "Pretending I know what endorcing a check means...." I say. . He explains this to me, and we joke around more about how I don't have a checking account and such. I tried confusing him by nodding my head yes and saying no at the same time again. . "I can tell you're going to be my favorite teacher!" I laugh. . "have you had your 12th period yet?" he asks. . "Nope!" I grin. . 'There you go." He says. . . 12th period is going to be great! I have acting! Not only is that my favorite thing to do, but I also have Brit and Livy in that class!! And Alec! I told him I needed to hug him before class started; I think I'll hug him tomorrow, too and tell him it's not a ritual to hug him before class. . I also have Corey in that class; along with my first period! This rocks, as he gives me rides to and from school, so now I don't have to find him after school! We just leave! . I'm exciteddddddddddd. . But when i got home, I got upset at my parents. I was reading more of Fashionista when my mom walks in laughing and says, "Ummm.... Devann? You can brush your teeth tonight..... but you have to use distilled water to do it!" . I pale. "What?" I asked slowly, trying to understand her. . "Well, we paid the water bill, when we realized it was turned off, but they can't turn it back on until tomorrow." She says, breaking off into a mumble. . "Madre!!" I cry out. "I Have to shower still! I'm all sticky! And sweaty! Sticky sweaty nasty!" I exclaim. . "How do yuo think I feel?" Dad asks, poking his head. "I have marble dust in my hair!" . "Yeah, but I'm a teenage girl in highschool; besides you're a guy, no one has expectations for you to be clean." . . So i had madre help me wash my hair with distilled water to make up for forgetting to pay the bills. . She also caught a paper towel on fire! I was reading still, and all of teh sudden I hear he go, "Oh! Shoot! Shoot shoot shoot!" And I smell something burning; whcih tells me she's cooking. . "Madre what did you do?" I ask, then let out a small scream as I see she's holding up a flaming paper towel. She rushes to the sink and reaches for the fauset. "No water, remember!!" I say, and she repeats a chorus of "shoots" as she dabs it into the sink; and reachs for the fauster again before I remind her we have no water once more. . "What were you thinking?" I asked her, when the fire was out. . "Well," She motions to a boiling pot of pasta. "I had to move it back, btu I couldn't find an oven mit so I used a paper towel." She says. . "You used a paper towel above an open flame!?" I confirm. . By now, dad is upstairs. "Even your daughter knows that's wrong!" He says; meaning I'm just as clueless and as bad of a cook as she. The he opens the drawer next to the oven and pulls out a handfull of oven mits; where they always are and always have been.
Subject:
Two Years Down, Two to Go
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20 August, 2007
Sometimes I think that being a teenager is the most exciting part of your life. . You have boy trauma, parent troubles, homework, pets, jobs- basically everything under the sun that could prepair you for the next day. But at the end of the week it STILL seems like you haven't seen it all; and the scary part is, you never will! . Sorry, I'm rambling again, arn't I? . Well, let's get down to it! . As a AP student (Advanced Procrastinator) I've put off summer homework until... now! Which is a miz between good a bad. . The good part is; I work best under pressure and stress. . The bad part is; School starts wednesday and I still have a book to finish reading and an essay over the thematic signifigance in A Portrait of The Artist As A Young Man! . Spark notes, here I come. . Livy has decided that right now she's not into acting; she wants to start a band! Well, she's already in a bad, but their very screamo, and she's very not. I'll have to ask her if she's told them she's quitting yet. . She's already recruted Coree into her band; Coree can play piano, violen (sp?), and something else. She's also saving up for an ELECTRIC violen (Sp????) which will be extremely awesome as no one really uses them anymore except in the Irish Festival! . I told her I would offer up back-up vocals if my voice didn't get on my nerves- but I can rock out on the tram-....tram-....Ooooh shoot! I lost that word! It's the round thing with the mini gold things that I can't remember either?? Not a trambone- that's huge..... I keep wanting to say "Tramboleen!" (SP!?! Spelling and typos will be my down fall someday) . Anyways, I told her I'd also run her website and forum when she's hit it big with ehr unique songs and vocals. . . I've been stressing over college a lot. . Madre's not exactly helping either. She wants me to become a famous journalist for TIME magazine; but I like creative writing, not journalism! I still have to get a minor in journalism anyways. Kayla thinks I may like it after a while; but being a teenager I'm driven to hate the thought of it since it was madre who suggested it and crammed it in my head. . I want to be an actress; though. I have these HUGE dreams that are to big for Ohio, and they all revolve around acting and using my acting to be a positive role model for little kids all over the world. (Disney, anyone?) . We pick up my comp cards to send to my agency Friday; and then with those they can submit me for auditions. I'm hoping to at LEAST book a few local comercials to help buy me a car; then put into a college account. . So, the problem with me wanting to be an actress is this; Acting could take up to YEARS to get started, and until you're well-known and getting paid to show up at movie premieres, you can't survive off of it as it's free lance. . So i thought I'd go for Nautical Arcaeology in Texas A&M University, but you need so many hours of a class, and A&M is the ONLY place that offers it; and you need a degree in something or another, and then there's really only one NA program. . So there goes my back-up plan. . Now I'm trying to figure out what to major in. I know with my minor in Journalism, I can intern at a Fashion magazine, but so far all the magazines I've been looking into are in New York, and it's 2 Grand a month just for a one month apartment! . I would love to go to the New York Film Academy, though- maybe spend one year there but once again; expenses, and the fact that I can't use that until my acting career hops up! . Frustration! . So then I started looking at the University of Sountern California; they have a good theatre program there and I'm pretty sure they offer journalism. . But I still have no back-up plan! . Madre says I should get a degree in business; but I have no business bone in my body. The only talents I have are in the arts with singing, acting, and drawling crappy still-life. I can't do business- I mean, yeah, I'll admit that I'll need that for publicity knowlage when I do acting, and when I write on the side (I used to want to be a full-time writer, but that's also freelance and unless I hit it huge like JK Rowling I couldn't survive on that, either. But I still do want to write books; I'm working on a story right now, as a matter of fact. Then there's all the skits and TV Show ideas I have to pitch as pilots) . So the way I'm looking at it; I could use business to open a small coffee shop and live in a run down apartment above it. BUT WAIT! The coffee shop closes due to my horrifyingly bad skills in the kitchen! . BAM- I end up a hobo with a knowlage of how to creatre the perfect mocha cappichino. . What to do what to do? It's my JR year and I need to start looking at colleges! My last two years of highschool I was content with my plan for life; but now I'm seeing all these holes in it and impossibilites! . Is it to late to become a nun and live in the convent with other nuns and not ahve to worry about surviving in the real world? Then there'd be no guy problems because God has no choice but to love me- ha ha. But I'm not a Catholic; I'm a Christian, and I'm pretty sure ther's no Christian nuns around. Drat. . . . . I'll continue to worry about that later. Until then; I have an 3 to 5 page essay to write and 3 piece of work to compaire an extremely boring book to. . -Devann Dianna . . . . P.S.; I finally got my schedule! At first I couldn't get it until the first day (Horrifying thought) because we didn't get the mail that said the days we could just walk in with everyone else and get the schedule until the SECOND day. (The first day was the only day that had a schedule pick-up in the evenning; which is when my parents get off work.) So we called and-- . there's a fly on my computer screen, hold on one second; . Alright; that was extremely nasty. . Anyways, we called and they said to come in anytime on friday; so we did and BAM- no ones there. . But I got it today; and I got the Fashionista Laura book in the mail today! I was getting ansty; because I couldn't remember if I said I live in the US or not in the reply e-mail. . . . JUNIOR YEAR SCHEDULE; 1- AP Language and Composition with Mr. Auvdel 2- Pacer Period/Mentor Training with Mr. Green 3- Physics with Mr. Carpenter 4/5- Symphonic Choir with Mrs. Gillis 6- Lunch! Yum! 7/8- Algebra 2 with Mrs. Kosiorek (? Must be one of the 12 new teachers this year!) 9/10- Womans Chorale with Mrs. Gillis 11- Psychology with Mr. Rietz (Second Term; Drawling 1 with Mr. Bibler) 12- Acting with Mrs. Plessinger (Second Term; Sociology with Mr. Marshall-- also a new teacher?) . . . . P.S.S. Sorry my thoughts are all jumbled today! It's that dang AP work/writers block. I'll also have to remember to talk about my new story, being a Mentor, and Nancy Drew. Ha.
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