I'm sorry, loves! I haven't written in forever.
.
Lately inspiration has been dry.... I blame summer AP work. Ha.
.
Since I've last really written, a lot of things have happened, and a lot of nothing has happened!
.
Brittany and I are no longer friends... I'd rather not relive the event that led to us departing, but I feel like this is for the better and loosing her as a best friend will hopefully only make me stronger inside. It was sorta a mutual thing though.
.
It seemed like my summer was ruined the moment we said goodbye, but it perked up!
.
After the last almsot relationship flub, I was really down. I'd be lieing if I said I didn't sit up at night wishing my pillow had arms to wrap around me.
.
Loneliness, I've noticed, is rather frustrating.
.
When you feel lonely, all you want is to have someone with you who can do sweet things to make you smile; like walk up behind you and give you a hug, or someone to send you text's at night saying their thinking of you. You just want someone to be there with you; but the problem with that is wanting the relationship. Relationships take time and a lot of effort- but when you're lonely you tend to forget that and think "What if..."
.
"What if..... i met an amazing guy at the mall today and fell in love?"
"What if..... I ran into a guy in Starbucks and instantly connected?"
"What if..... that last relationship worked out?"
"What if..... ?"
.
There's the problem. Loneliness makes you rush into things, and then they end abruptly and it makes you feel worse off than before. I've learned that the hard way with my past to "almost"s.
.
It's a cycle that can only be broken by love- but love drags you back into the cycle one again.
.
So how do you break the cycle?
.
You break it with trusting God with all your heart and soul. You trust Him to know what's best for you, and you trust Him to know that he has a reason for seporating you from your love. Maybe it's not time yet? You both ahve to grow up and mature into the other's partner; so you can't rush into something that fast or you miss out on the growth and development.
.
Sorry! I didn't mean for that to turn into a little rant!
.
Back on track!
.
So, this summer I've become instantly closer to Kayla! It's weird, during school we barley spoke, then during West Side Story we would occationally talk and laugh about things, so I invited her to my sweet 16 and we had a blast! But it wasn't until the end of the school year when we both went to the same graduation parties that we really clicked.
.
So over the summer we hung out and talked like crazy! She practically lives over at my house, I ask her to stay the night so much ha ha. We've became best friends in a periode of around 6 months- and that time flew by!
.
She introduced me to a band; The Jonas Brothers. At first, when I heard them on Disney I was thought, "Oh okay.... their pretty alright.... I can tell Year 3000 will get annoying...." and I tried to hate that song because of that; but the more I heard it the more I fell in love with it. Then I heard more and more songs and thought they were pretty good, but it wasn't until I Kayla came camping with me over the summer that I fell in love with their music! Now I'm egarly awaiting their new album on August 7th ha ha.
.
Recently, I've noticed things about Mitchel Musso that made me realize I'm not really crazy over him anymore.... which, you know, is fine and all. He has tons of fans and won't notice one 16 year old fall away!
.
But with the Jonas Brother's mania going around (which I will proudly admit to having [Kevin's pretty dang awesome]) more of us Mitchel fans are saying, "Heeeeyyyy! When life hands you lemons throw them back and ask for the Jonas Brothers!"
.
Camping!
.
Camping was amazing!
.
Kayla and I took a bike trail the day we arrived (after taping millions of posters all over our tent to make it more "home-y") and rode it out into this amazing feild! We camped at Findley state park and had a great time! But the feild we came out into was just breathtaking! It was one of those feilds you see in long-way movie shots! You know- where the screen pans over the landscape just because you need to see the amazing beauty of it all.
.
We called it our movie scene. And we rode the movie scene to the end, where it came to a thick and dense forest trail. It had a little bike sign on it, so we figured we'd go exlore it.
.
Wow.
.
It turns out it was a PROFESSIONAL MOUNTAIN BIKE TRAIL. And we found that out AFTER we were lost for an hour, over a mile away from camp (we knew it was a mile because Kayla had my walkie talkie- and it only has a mile radious within the other partner. The partner was at camp and we couldn't pick up the signal.)
.
That day when we went to the show house, we stayed extra long to take time drying and straightening our hair (yeah yeah yeah "Suck it up! rough it in the woods!" thank you very much, the second day we did-- but only because I left the hair dryer at camp. We paid for the electricity though; the plug fell into the watery sink and both Kayla and I jumped back thinking we would get electricuted.) and this lady was there trying to fix the sink madre had warned us about earliar. ("Don't use the second sink; it leaks onto your feet!" she had said as she wiped her sandles clean.) The lady chatted with us and other campers who passed through as we felt chatty that day and wanted to make more friends.
.
She was there the entire time we were there, trying to fix the sink. She gave us advice for life ("Learn how to weld! Guys love it when girls can use a welder!") and we talked about how if we were all guys none of us would be speaking to each other- or straightening our hair for that matter. She needed help with the sink, determining that she could fix it if it was lifted up. So we LIFTED UP THE SINK! We were SUPERWOMAN!
.
Not only did we do a good deed, but we made a friend, and got a arm work out- as the sink was very heavy.
.
Madre's friend Casey was there with her two daughters Britney and Hailey. We bonded with Britney and often sent Hailey to the little store to buy us bazooka gum (we gave her the money). We would also bike up to the little shop with the girls to buy them ice cream and would sit on a little bench and eat it.
.
That weekend, Kayla and I visited the giant rock that I broke my leg on when I was a kid. This was a life altering event for me! I laughed about having a "Special connection" with the rock as it injured me many years ago! I laughed as we laied on top of it, staring at the sky. "We have history, this rock and me." I told Kayla. "We feel for each other." Then I started to slip so that I was sliding head first off the rock. "And appearntly it's not done with me yet!" I said as I sat up and scooted back to my origonal spot. Kayla just laughed and we decided to go back to camp then.
.
We took another trail; but we didn't get lost on it that time. It was an easy trail that we sped down, bumping along tree roots and squishing through mud quickly (becuase I found out the hard way that if you go slowly through mud you fall, get stuck in it, and get sticky smelly mud up to your anke until you can find water.)
.
Kayla and I are also going to see Drake Bell on August 9th! We're so excited! I just ordered the tickets the other day, and I was nervous about not having any tickets left at all. Corbin Blu is going to be there, and with his Highschool Musical fan base, we thought tickets would be LONG gone. But as it turns out, luck was on our side and we got BETTER seats than what we would have had if we ordered tickets weeks ago like I ment to! Not only that, but I also have two entries in the sweepstakes to win a Meet N Greet pass to meet Drake!
.
Cross your fingers for us! We're really hoping to see him, since we almost met the Jonas Brothers back in June!.
.
Okay, story behind this; I was in Elyria the weekend of the concert (which was at the House of Blues) and didn't know about the concert! I left the day before with madre, while dad stayed back (he was building a deck for my grandma's condo- oh, if you need anything built, fixed, etc, call my Dad! He's starting a business!) and when i got back the DAY of the concert is when Kayla told me she knew about it!
.
If we would have communicated about the concert before I left, she could have came with me and we COULD HAVE GONE! Then we find out that somtimes they need help at the merch stands, and that they get fans to run it, and that those fans get a private meet n greet with them later.
.
Needless to say, we were slapping our heads in frustration.
.
Anyways.
.
I finally finished reading "Slaughter House 5" for AP Lang! Now all I have to do is read "The Portrait of The Artist As A Young Man" and write an essay on it.
.
Woo.
.
Fun.
.
So, we finished school clothes shoping in two days. I got my hair cut and the roots patched up, my headshots were taken, and their on a print out of what my comp card is going to look like, now all I have to do is print out about 40 copies of the comp cards and send them to Katalyst so they can submit me for auditions!
.
YES!
.
I am so excited for this!! Not to mension, Best New Talent is coming up again! I made it in alst year, and was invited to go to California, but becuse of finacial reason, I had to skip out on it. But this year, I want to try again! Hopefuly I can still make it in, and go! It'll be in November this year, so auditions are creeping up fast! I'd better start picking out my monologue's and songs to sing for the audition!
.
This is excitement!
.
Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting time, and it scares me. I know getting to be an actress takes a lot of time and effort and rejection, but I get really scared by the thought of not DOING anything by the time I'm out of highschool. Yes, I should value my times here- after all, it's blown by so fast already- but I feel like I can be doing so much more outside of Ohio. I want to travel to California- to act! To be a positive role model for all those little kids out there! I want to do family movies, and comercials, and ACCOMPLISH things! I'm always afraid that if I don't start NOW I'll end up a hobo living on the street.
.
I'm also afraid of being a journalist. Madre is pressuring me into journalism but I HATE journalism with a passion. I like creative writing; that's my thing. Not reporting all the depressing news of genocide and murder. So I compromised with her; magazine interships. After highschool, I have to do magazines interships. She wants me to go for Time, but I want to go into teen magazines. If I can;t help out little kids through acting; I do it through print.
.
The problem though, is internships are so pristegious (sp?)- especially with teen magazines.
.
Then there's the fact that I've figure out that if acting doesn't pick up during highschool, I'll go to college for Nautical Arcaeology until it does. Then, even if it STILL doesn't pick up and I don't get any books published, I can go into that career feild. But what if there's no need for Nautical Arcaeologists by then? What if they find every sunken ship and city by the time I'm finished getting my degree?
.
I just get scared of the future.
.
On a happy note; recently me and my three best friends Livy, Jenna, and Kayla all spent the day at the mall then they stayed the night!
.
We watched old 90's pop videos of Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, and N'Sync then ran upstairs and flipped through magazines (<- Kayla and me) and put in The Little Vampire (<- Livy and jenna).
.
Lately inspiration has been dry.... I blame summer AP work. Ha.
.
Since I've last really written, a lot of things have happened, and a lot of nothing has happened!
.
Brittany and I are no longer friends... I'd rather not relive the event that led to us departing, but I feel like this is for the better and loosing her as a best friend will hopefully only make me stronger inside. It was sorta a mutual thing though.
.
It seemed like my summer was ruined the moment we said goodbye, but it perked up!
.
After the last almsot relationship flub, I was really down. I'd be lieing if I said I didn't sit up at night wishing my pillow had arms to wrap around me.
.
Loneliness, I've noticed, is rather frustrating.
.
When you feel lonely, all you want is to have someone with you who can do sweet things to make you smile; like walk up behind you and give you a hug, or someone to send you text's at night saying their thinking of you. You just want someone to be there with you; but the problem with that is wanting the relationship. Relationships take time and a lot of effort- but when you're lonely you tend to forget that and think "What if..."
.
"What if..... i met an amazing guy at the mall today and fell in love?"
"What if..... I ran into a guy in Starbucks and instantly connected?"
"What if..... that last relationship worked out?"
"What if..... ?"
.
There's the problem. Loneliness makes you rush into things, and then they end abruptly and it makes you feel worse off than before. I've learned that the hard way with my past to "almost"s.
.
It's a cycle that can only be broken by love- but love drags you back into the cycle one again.
.
So how do you break the cycle?
.
You break it with trusting God with all your heart and soul. You trust Him to know what's best for you, and you trust Him to know that he has a reason for seporating you from your love. Maybe it's not time yet? You both ahve to grow up and mature into the other's partner; so you can't rush into something that fast or you miss out on the growth and development.
.
Sorry! I didn't mean for that to turn into a little rant!
.
Back on track!
.
So, this summer I've become instantly closer to Kayla! It's weird, during school we barley spoke, then during West Side Story we would occationally talk and laugh about things, so I invited her to my sweet 16 and we had a blast! But it wasn't until the end of the school year when we both went to the same graduation parties that we really clicked.
.
So over the summer we hung out and talked like crazy! She practically lives over at my house, I ask her to stay the night so much ha ha. We've became best friends in a periode of around 6 months- and that time flew by!
.
She introduced me to a band; The Jonas Brothers. At first, when I heard them on Disney I was thought, "Oh okay.... their pretty alright.... I can tell Year 3000 will get annoying...." and I tried to hate that song because of that; but the more I heard it the more I fell in love with it. Then I heard more and more songs and thought they were pretty good, but it wasn't until I Kayla came camping with me over the summer that I fell in love with their music! Now I'm egarly awaiting their new album on August 7th ha ha.
.
Recently, I've noticed things about Mitchel Musso that made me realize I'm not really crazy over him anymore.... which, you know, is fine and all. He has tons of fans and won't notice one 16 year old fall away!
.
But with the Jonas Brother's mania going around (which I will proudly admit to having [Kevin's pretty dang awesome]) more of us Mitchel fans are saying, "Heeeeyyyy! When life hands you lemons throw them back and ask for the Jonas Brothers!"
.
Camping!
.
Camping was amazing!
.
Kayla and I took a bike trail the day we arrived (after taping millions of posters all over our tent to make it more "home-y") and rode it out into this amazing feild! We camped at Findley state park and had a great time! But the feild we came out into was just breathtaking! It was one of those feilds you see in long-way movie shots! You know- where the screen pans over the landscape just because you need to see the amazing beauty of it all.
.
We called it our movie scene. And we rode the movie scene to the end, where it came to a thick and dense forest trail. It had a little bike sign on it, so we figured we'd go exlore it.
.
Wow.
.
It turns out it was a PROFESSIONAL MOUNTAIN BIKE TRAIL. And we found that out AFTER we were lost for an hour, over a mile away from camp (we knew it was a mile because Kayla had my walkie talkie- and it only has a mile radious within the other partner. The partner was at camp and we couldn't pick up the signal.)
.
That day when we went to the show house, we stayed extra long to take time drying and straightening our hair (yeah yeah yeah "Suck it up! rough it in the woods!" thank you very much, the second day we did-- but only because I left the hair dryer at camp. We paid for the electricity though; the plug fell into the watery sink and both Kayla and I jumped back thinking we would get electricuted.) and this lady was there trying to fix the sink madre had warned us about earliar. ("Don't use the second sink; it leaks onto your feet!" she had said as she wiped her sandles clean.) The lady chatted with us and other campers who passed through as we felt chatty that day and wanted to make more friends.
.
She was there the entire time we were there, trying to fix the sink. She gave us advice for life ("Learn how to weld! Guys love it when girls can use a welder!") and we talked about how if we were all guys none of us would be speaking to each other- or straightening our hair for that matter. She needed help with the sink, determining that she could fix it if it was lifted up. So we LIFTED UP THE SINK! We were SUPERWOMAN!
.
Not only did we do a good deed, but we made a friend, and got a arm work out- as the sink was very heavy.
.
Madre's friend Casey was there with her two daughters Britney and Hailey. We bonded with Britney and often sent Hailey to the little store to buy us bazooka gum (we gave her the money). We would also bike up to the little shop with the girls to buy them ice cream and would sit on a little bench and eat it.
.
That weekend, Kayla and I visited the giant rock that I broke my leg on when I was a kid. This was a life altering event for me! I laughed about having a "Special connection" with the rock as it injured me many years ago! I laughed as we laied on top of it, staring at the sky. "We have history, this rock and me." I told Kayla. "We feel for each other." Then I started to slip so that I was sliding head first off the rock. "And appearntly it's not done with me yet!" I said as I sat up and scooted back to my origonal spot. Kayla just laughed and we decided to go back to camp then.
.
We took another trail; but we didn't get lost on it that time. It was an easy trail that we sped down, bumping along tree roots and squishing through mud quickly (becuase I found out the hard way that if you go slowly through mud you fall, get stuck in it, and get sticky smelly mud up to your anke until you can find water.)
.
Kayla and I are also going to see Drake Bell on August 9th! We're so excited! I just ordered the tickets the other day, and I was nervous about not having any tickets left at all. Corbin Blu is going to be there, and with his Highschool Musical fan base, we thought tickets would be LONG gone. But as it turns out, luck was on our side and we got BETTER seats than what we would have had if we ordered tickets weeks ago like I ment to! Not only that, but I also have two entries in the sweepstakes to win a Meet N Greet pass to meet Drake!
.
Cross your fingers for us! We're really hoping to see him, since we almost met the Jonas Brothers back in June!.
.
Okay, story behind this; I was in Elyria the weekend of the concert (which was at the House of Blues) and didn't know about the concert! I left the day before with madre, while dad stayed back (he was building a deck for my grandma's condo- oh, if you need anything built, fixed, etc, call my Dad! He's starting a business!) and when i got back the DAY of the concert is when Kayla told me she knew about it!
.
If we would have communicated about the concert before I left, she could have came with me and we COULD HAVE GONE! Then we find out that somtimes they need help at the merch stands, and that they get fans to run it, and that those fans get a private meet n greet with them later.
.
Needless to say, we were slapping our heads in frustration.
.
Anyways.
.
I finally finished reading "Slaughter House 5" for AP Lang! Now all I have to do is read "The Portrait of The Artist As A Young Man" and write an essay on it.
.
Woo.
.
Fun.
.
So, we finished school clothes shoping in two days. I got my hair cut and the roots patched up, my headshots were taken, and their on a print out of what my comp card is going to look like, now all I have to do is print out about 40 copies of the comp cards and send them to Katalyst so they can submit me for auditions!
.
YES!
.
I am so excited for this!! Not to mension, Best New Talent is coming up again! I made it in alst year, and was invited to go to California, but becuse of finacial reason, I had to skip out on it. But this year, I want to try again! Hopefuly I can still make it in, and go! It'll be in November this year, so auditions are creeping up fast! I'd better start picking out my monologue's and songs to sing for the audition!
.
This is excitement!
.
Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting time, and it scares me. I know getting to be an actress takes a lot of time and effort and rejection, but I get really scared by the thought of not DOING anything by the time I'm out of highschool. Yes, I should value my times here- after all, it's blown by so fast already- but I feel like I can be doing so much more outside of Ohio. I want to travel to California- to act! To be a positive role model for all those little kids out there! I want to do family movies, and comercials, and ACCOMPLISH things! I'm always afraid that if I don't start NOW I'll end up a hobo living on the street.
.
I'm also afraid of being a journalist. Madre is pressuring me into journalism but I HATE journalism with a passion. I like creative writing; that's my thing. Not reporting all the depressing news of genocide and murder. So I compromised with her; magazine interships. After highschool, I have to do magazines interships. She wants me to go for Time, but I want to go into teen magazines. If I can;t help out little kids through acting; I do it through print.
.
The problem though, is internships are so pristegious (sp?)- especially with teen magazines.
.
Then there's the fact that I've figure out that if acting doesn't pick up during highschool, I'll go to college for Nautical Arcaeology until it does. Then, even if it STILL doesn't pick up and I don't get any books published, I can go into that career feild. But what if there's no need for Nautical Arcaeologists by then? What if they find every sunken ship and city by the time I'm finished getting my degree?
.
I just get scared of the future.
.
On a happy note; recently me and my three best friends Livy, Jenna, and Kayla all spent the day at the mall then they stayed the night!
.
We watched old 90's pop videos of Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, and N'Sync then ran upstairs and flipped through magazines (<- Kayla and me) and put in The Little Vampire (<- Livy and jenna).
.
Around 4 in the morning when i decided to go to sleep (I hadn't slept the night before, and I knew madre would kill me if I spent two days awake) madre comes running down the stairs, telling me to check to see if her car windows are up.
.
It's thundering, lightining, and pouring buckets outside, so I run out, see the windows are up, then run back in.
.
I stood by the door for a moment, looking out through the storm door and decide that it's perfect dancing weather. So Livy, Jenna, and I ran out and danced in the rain. We spun around, kicked/jumped in puddles, and I did cartwheels. We danced until we were soaked, then ran back to the step so Kayla could take a picture of us soaking wet.
.
I gave them pj's and then went to bed- they all left in the morning exact Jenna, who stayed a while.
.
I ran up for a shower that morning because madre wanted to go to the mall again! We got the tax return check, and she wanted to get the amazing dress I saw at Macy's for my sister's Wedding Reception on September 8th.
.
Because of car troubles (her gas tank ball dropped or something), we couldn't go, but two days later, after Kayla and Livy left for vacation, we got it and that's when we started school shopping.
.
Yesturday dad was yelling at the Verizon people, by the way, which is hilarious because my dad is really quiet and introverted. Normally it's madre yelling at employee's (like at JC Penny's when they wouldn't take the debit card that madre wanted to use to buy me a bra- since it was under my dad's name ha.)
.
Dad and I decided that we need to have a father-daughter tradition. On the first weekend of each month, we're going to do some extreme sports to bond. The first thing will be Mountain Bike Trails by Alam Creek since we didn't get to go with each other while camping. Dad misses riding bikes with his little girls.
.
Poor dad, he wanted boys so bad. He tried to get me and my sister into hunting, but my sister ended up wanting to be a veternarian (now she's going into business), and I ended up becoming a vegetarian for two years. So I like to make him happy by father-daughter bonding time that normally dad's do with their sons. Like when I helped him place a hard-wood floor in at this one girls place. (Dad's starting a matinence business, he does dry walling, decks, plumbing, floors, whatever you can think of. The lady hired him for one thing or another and now she's constantly looking for more things for dad to repair or replace- which is fine with him! It keeps him busy and he's getting paid for it! I also get to help him out and learn skills to help me later in life!)
.
Well, I didn't mean to stay up late tonight! I've stayed up late and slept in long for the past few days, and I need to get out of that habit! School's coming up!
.
OH- and I got into the Freshman Mentor application! I tried to call me in-coming Freshman that I'm helping, but one person didn't pick up, another was a wrong number, and the other was out shopping for clothes!
.
G'night, sweet dreams!
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