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Subject: Same Old Story | 17 June, 2007
Lately it seems like my 16 Day curse has come back with avengance.
Or maybe I'm just blind.
You see, for as long as I can remember, I've been cursed at 16 days with any romantic relationship. It doesn't matter if it's official or not.
I think I have a new record though. Two heartbreaks of the same deal within two months.
Why did I fall so fast this time?
Oh yes. That's right. The List.
Let me explain.
Last term of school.
I was waiting for Geometry class to start when Derek walks up, asks for my phone number, and says he'll text me in class.
I don't remember the lesson plan that day, or even the next two weeks. All I did was text Derek all day.
I walked acrossed the room after class everyday to talk to him and the other people over on his side of the room. Me and Lyndsay started talking about prom one day, and she asked who I was going with.
I was aware of the fact he was sitting next to me and listening so I said, "Oh, I can't go, I'm a Sophomore, and all my Jr friends from drama have dates."
Then he nudged me. "Well, do you want to go?"
"That depends; are you asking me?" I asked.
"Maybe." He said. "I'd have to see if I can go."
"Well, I would say yes." I said. And he just smiled and said "We'll see."
Then the texting moved to nights, too.
He called me "Ms. Beautiful." and we would joke around about getting married in Australia.
I remember watching "The Hills have Eyes" for the first time ever alone at my house, and texting him about how disturbing and stupid the movie was. I told him I was scared to go upstairs into my room in case a mutant would jump out and rape me. He told me to imagine he was there with me.

We talked a lot about movies, and ended up planning to watch "The Descent" together and also planned to go on a date that Saturday, instead of Prom.
I was excited; a cute boy? That likes me?
In the mornings he would text me, "Good Morning, beautiful!" and I would be in such a good mood for the rest of the day.
Then I started to notice things.
At lunch, this Freshman girl would constantly be flirting with him. She would put her arms around him and sit on his lap and hang all over him. I tried not to think much about it; she was just a girl that was having some fun, right? As long as he didn't respond it was fine.
But he DID respond. He would flirt back with her.
I was only a table away from them; I know he could see me.
I tried to ignore it; he would still flirt with me and talked about our date; teasing me with my curiosity since he wouldn't tell me what we were doing.
And all the people on his side of the room would start to tease him saying things like, "SOMEONE needs to ask SOMEBODY SOMETHING." saying he needed to ask me out, and everyday in Gym Class Lyndsay would ask if he asked me yet.
When that girl in Lunch started flirting with him; they stopped teasing us.
I got a little nervous as he kept flirting back with her right infront of me. So I casually brought it up with my friend Olivia Hinkle during Gym one day; when we would have talks about life and God, and friends and boys. She sat at his table and knew what I was talking about.
"He shouldn't be flirting back with her. But you see; he's liked her for a really really long time and they've been friends since hemoved here. She had a boyfriend though; and they just had a messy break up and he's, like, suicidal over it all. Derek has been calling him everday and keeping him from, like, killing himself over her."
So I felt a little better, but it didn't stop me from being depressed in Geometry that day. He walked over and set his head on my desk saying he was worried about me since I was looking depressed and not all chipper and happy like normal. I told him not to be.
So the flirting between him and that girl continued.
I figured out that there was something going on between them. Especially since everyone who knew about us liking each other would come up to me daily and tell me about how he saw her holdinh hands with him or even kissing publically in the hallway for everyone to see.
He started texting less, but didn't cancle or date. I held onto the hope that it would turn things around and I wouldn't have to worry about that girl anymore.
But it didn't.
Our big surprise date was a trip to the movies to see Spiderman 3-- I didn't have to hear to tell him I hated Spiderman.
Nothing happened at the date; we didn't hold hands or lock arms or anything. He even brought my home 4 hours before my curfew was up- which ment no stops from my house to the movies. It sort of got to me that he would show more affection to a girl in our lunch period than he would on a date with me.
That weekend it all clicked, and I was tierd of worrying and feeling like I was being used.
So that monday in Geometry, I didn't check my phone for texts, I ignored him when he came into the room late, and paid attention during class; answering questions and taking notes.
I knew he had texted me, and I could see him staring at me our of the corner of my eye; plus Jen kept whispering in my ear, "The nerve of him!"
Finally I casually looked at my phone, saw I had a text, and just closed it instead of opening it.
I could tell by his body language out of the corner of my eye that he saw that move.
Finally I heard him whispering my name acrossed the room, and when I looked over he made a Phone motion with his hand.
So I looked at the text.
"Are you pissed at me?" it asked.
I didn't know how to answer it; I hate hurting peoples feelings. "Stressed." I said.
"What about? Anything to do with me?" It asked in return.
Then Mr. Turner yelled at him for texting, so I didn't have to answer.
After class he walked over to me after I didn't leave to go to him. "What's going on?" He asked.
I looked behind us and saw that there was almost every eye in the class on us. "Do you all mind?" I asked, and they all made a show to turning away and starting up different conversations.
I turned back to him and looked him straight in the eyes. "If you don't like me, don't lead me on." I said.
That caught him off gaurd. "...Oh... O-Okay..."
"I mean, if you're not interesting in me; don't act like you are. I mean, you know how I feel about you; you know I like you. So if it's not mutual, then don't say anything."
He nodded and left.
I thought he didn't understand what I was saying though, so I walked up to him after class. "I'm not done talking to you." I said, feeling powerfull and pathetic at the same time.
We walked to my next class. "I just..." I started. "I'm not sure- I mean, on minute I feel like you like me, and then the next i feel like I'm annoying you, and then there's that girl in lunch--"
"Whoa- wait! The girl in lunch? Is that what you're worried about?" Then he flashed a huge smile, and told me the same thing Olivia had said, leaving about the part about him liking her, and switching the suicidal role to her instead of the guy.
He grabbed my shoulder around my back and gave it a squease. "You don't have to worry about her!" he said. "There's nothing going on between us."
Then he texted me in the next class saying, "Yeah, I like you, and you like me, I just didn't think you'd want a short relationship before I move." Since he was moving to Flordia over the summer.
So I felt pretty good.
I thought, hey, he just told me the truth.
I told Olivia the next day. "Oh, right!" She said. "It was the GIRL that was suicidal!.... but still, you don't help someone cope by letting them sit on your lap." She said.
And that day, the flirting in the cafeteria continued. I looked up at him, and he looked up and caught my eye. I dropped my head and scooted back away from my table.
After lunch he ran to catch up with me to talk, before he stopped. "Oh wait! I'll see you in Geometry!" He said, then ran back the way we came.
I walked into Geometry and Olivia came up to me "Devann, you don't know the half of it." She said, meaning the conversation we had in Gym about how I shouldn't date him since he's lieing to me.
"I know." I said.
"No, you DON'T know." She said. "I just saw him run back to that girl and kiss her."
Now Derek was walking into the room looking like someone just kicked him.
Olivia gave me a hug. "I'm so sorry, I love you!" She said.
I nodded into her shirt. "Thanks." I said, and sat down.
We had a free day that day, waiting for everyone to finish their tests who didn't the day before.
She wrote me a note saying he felt really sorry and that during the date there was nothing going on between him and that girl.
But now their dating.
Then Derek texted me saying he was sorry and just another stupid guy. I said that I've been hurt so many times I've grown numb to it. He said that he wasn't lieing about liking to talk to me; I made him feel better. He said he was going through a tough time then and that I could be mad at him since everyone else in the world seemed to be.
I told him it was fine and that appearantly it was my purpose in like to make people happy. I said I was just hurt.
Then he asked if I still felt like texting him everyonce in a while.
I said I thought I'd be busy.
I walked into English with Brit and she put her hands on each side of my face and said. "Devann, it's okay. You can cry, It's Okay to cry!" Since I hate crying, I hate crying infront of people, just crying in general I hate. It makes me feel vulernable and dependant.
But for the first five minutes of class I stood there hugging her and crying into her shirt as she told me there was better guys out there; and one of them loved me and wouldn't cheat on me or play me and we would marry and live happily ever after.
And I believed her.
Because I was so sick of feeling self-consious about myself. I decided she was right.
But that gave me ego, which is later in the story as to why Brit and I arn't best friends anymore. .
I avoided walking in hallways where I would see him and his girlfriend, although I did see her pull him into a monster hug in a hallway I normally didn't see them in.
So that day I came home and just sobbed for 20 minutes staight.
I forget when I stopped sobbing over Derek and started crying over the fact that I COULD cry again.
Then I polished off the rest of my dad's M&M cookies and got ready for the final Choir concert that night.
I felt amazing after that. I looked great in my dress and my make-up was done nice. I even got a complement from Jeff.
So, while feeling great, I notcied Derek was there.
And while we were warming up, he stood in the doorway and started at me the entire time.
Suddently I felt scared.
I had this vision of him walking up to me and saying, "Just kidding! I just wanted to put you through emotional heck! Kidding! I DO like you!"
I was sacred he would say that, and that I would have to go back to feeling insecure and worried about that girl again. I felt like I was going to faint I was SO SCARED.
He wished me good luck and said I looked nice.
Then the next day he walked up to me and reminded me that he heard us sing and we were great. I walked way and said Thanks over my shoulder.
He kept trying to talk to me after class and kept texting me. I ignored him and brit glared at him. It was then I realized that that day was 16 days.
So then the last two weeks of school came.
This meant graduation parties!
I was fully fine after the whoel Derek thing now, and was feeling flirty.
At gabe's graduation party I saw Sean Fisher there. I asked him how Megan's birthday party was; I had to miss it because my parents were going to a party and I got shipped off to my Aunts (Which led to me crying in my room to my Aunt for the first time ever and he thinking a big reason was because of Derek. So she spent the night talking about the whole shabang of cheating)
At that party; we flirted like crazy. It was fun, I was enjoying myself and I realized I had a tiny crush on him.
So that week I found an excuse to message him on Facebook; I wanted to join D-Town and how did he think I would do in it?
Ever sicne then, we messaged back and forth all day long non-stop.
It ended with him asking if I wanted to go to the Mean Bean afterthe last day of exams and get a giant cookie to talk about my D-Town ideas.
We stopped at the library, then headed to the Mean Bean and talked the entire time, looked at the music on his iPod and laughed about jokes we had. It was about 12 then and he asked what time I needed to be home. I told about about 3:30 since I had Frisbee that day, and he wanted to come with me (it started at 4)
So he asked if I wanted to go watch a movie at his house, he thought it was a shame that I'd never seen The Matrix, Star Wars, Or Lord of the Rings. (which ever thinks when i tell them that)
So we went to his house and watched The Matrix.
During a fight scene I told him I knew a self-defence move and told him to grab my wrist so i could break out of it. When Id din't succecced we ended up holding hands, cuddling.
The movie ended at 4:30, and we figured by the time we got to frisbee everyone would be getting ready to leave. So we watched TV, cuddling.
We had our faces right next to each others, noses touching. "Butterfly kisses!" he said, so we fluttered our eye lashes. "Eskimo kisses!- Forehead!" and he kissed me forehead.
After that we just sat there, staring into each other eyes.
"Would it be really werid if I said I liked you?" I asked.
"No, would it be weird if I said I liked you too?"
"No." I smiled.
Around 5, I realized I needed to get home soon. So we went to his car, and stopped at Beular's to get a dessert for him-- he had to bring the dessert for the Hayes Singers "Out with the old, in with the new" party that started at 6.
He held my hand as we walked back to the car after leaving the store.
And we got to my house he walked me to the door and gave me a hug goodbye.
It turned out that my parents had called during this; and I left my phone in his car. So I didn't heard it.
The result we me being sentanced to the house for a week. Which meant I'd have to miss Donny's grad party on Friday.
Well I cleaned like crazy all week, and thursday I asked if I could go, which was a yes.
I lied to Sean about not being able to go, so I could surprise him. Which I did, his face light up when he saw me hiding behind him and he gave me a side hug.
Dony had our school production of "West Side Story" playing on the TV and Sean had me sit on his lap during it while he had his arms around me.
We played on the playgrounds, swung on the swings, and when it got dark we played a two person game of hide-n-go-seek
He was hiding, and moving around, so I called his phone and it made him run over to where I was. I caught him in the midle of the grassy area.
He pulled me down to the grass with him, and we laid on our backs, looking up at the stars as we just talked and held hands, putting our faces close so our noses were touching again.
Then it came time for me to leave, so we stood up in a hug, and gave each other kisses on the cheek goodbye. Our hands lingered as long as they could as we both walked our seporate ways.
He left for Church camp that saturday, and I promised to leave him messages on his phone while he was gone.
So I left him messages to laugh at and such, and spent three days making him two mix tapes to listen to in his car for his birthday (he doesn't have a CD player in his car). He turned 17 while he was at camp and his party was yesturday.
The party was fun; but he seemed distant which made me worry. Then I felt like an idiot when he said I only had to leave him a message for his birthday.
When it came time for me to leave, he pulled me outside, and my heart rate quickened. I thought he was going to ask me out.
Instead, he fumbled around for his words for a moment before stopping himself. "I have to be honest. I wanted to tell you in person since, like, over the phone and facebook and everything is lame so.... okay... this week.... I felt like I realyl grew closer to God... so I've been praying a lot and thinking.... okay... so.... when i liked a girl, I always try to figure out what it is that I like about her.... and I wasnt sure if i liked you because I wanted to like someone or because there really was something about you. You were really fun, and random and crazy to be around which was great; i loved it.... but while I was thinking about that.... i met someone.... and I feel like I really grew close to her... and like we really connected... so i prayed and thought about it and asked myself 'Who do I like more?' and i really didn't want to choose, but either way someone was going to get hurt... and while i was thinking... this other girls name came up.... and.... we.... we started dating.... a few days ago... and you kept leaving my messages.... and i didn't want to be rude and say.... you're a really awesome girl.... but i think i just liked you.... well... i thought about it.... and i mean... you're really fun to be around... and i loved the messages and our conversations.... and you're really pretty--beautiful even... really beautiful.... but... it just.... happened. I'm really sorry."
While he was at camp, he met a girl and now their going out.
Annnnnd I feel like an idiot.
And I figured out that yesturday was 16 days again.
So that's the story.
I have to go now, madre wants on.


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